March 17, 2004


Jivha has a fear, fear of being a normal person, a nondescript person who was born, lived and then died unnoticed. He fears insignificance, conformance. He fears normalcy and safety.

Then again he fears chance. Because the odds of him being "different" are quite remote. Read his thought provoking post.

I had this thought long ago. At a point of time when I was so involved with a cultural group and I had just started my job. I saw a vision that through cultural activities and propagating the voices of development I could help changing the society, uphold our values. I thought that I would need only a low-paid job to sustain myself and have plenty of time for my other activities. I wanted to prepare myself to be a star. I was so ready for daring to do something different, like perhaps marrying a hindu girl against all obstacles and completely devoting myself to my vision. But the reality is harsh. I somehow figured it out that I would be alone in striving for my visions. Because I found out that my idols are hypocrite. I feared being a lonely person who is defying all the obstacles to achieve his mission, which is not seen as a great effort by others. In this society, if you are not an established person, nobody treats you right. Your parents would be banging in your years that you are going ashtray. Even you can't get a good bride. So I couldn't cross the line. I pursued my career, studied MBA and have a so called normal life. I am still associated with some other activities, but get very little time for that.

I see this not as my weakness. I did not cross the line also when my friends tried to seduce me to drugs or even going to a prostitute. I just couldn't but I did not run away from them. I managed to let them understand that I was keeping my principle and could get along with them. I am not unpopular either. Its just the fact that I know what is right and what is wrong. And I did not make any decision in my life which would harm me or another person.

I sit down and think sometimes how my life would shape up otherwise. However, I believe that in a war everybody should not carry a gun and fight. There are other ways to establish your principals, your beliefs, and your contribution. Perhaps I could one day contribute something to the society with this blog. And daring to do something different can also ruin a person. Your work will make you different not the intentions to be different.

Poorly lived and poorly died
poorly buried and no one cried

Why can't we be normal and yet be different?


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